Best friends… forever?
Story. Of. My. Life.
As the years gone by, I’ve had many different “best friends” and reallyreally tight-knit friends, but we always end up drifting apart in some ways or another. Some I lost my trust in, some changed so dramatically that our lifestyles and values clashed so much that all we ever did was argue, some placed other priorities before me until I stopped being a priority altogether, some had schedule conflicts with mine so we never spent quality time together, some were childhood friends and with time we slowly grew apart from each other, some made me miserable so we couldn’t stay best friends any longer, and some simply stopped being best friends with me and I still cannot put a finger on why and when and what made that happen.
Now, at my age and at this time in my life, I feel like “BFFs” from those childhood days of exchanging best friend heart necklaces with each other and claiming to graduate together, enter the Real World together, be each other’s bridesmaids, schedule playdates for our kids, retire and grow old together… I think that term and concept and feeling and days cease to exist anymore. Things are constantly changing, people change every day, certain events can pull two people, once stuck together like glue, apart.
It’s hard for me to open up to others now because of this thought at the back of my head. I remember all of the times I lost my best friend(s), and I always wonder, “how long will we last?” Best friends are supposed to last forever… so since I’ve had more than one different best friends at different times in my life, one after another, does that even make them a best friend in the first place?
I miss having a best friend, and, don’t get me wrong, it would be nice to have that one person I can fully be myself around, open up to about anything, feel completely comfortable to let my guards down to, someone I can laugh until I cry with… to know that I have someone’s shoulder I can always cry on, someone I can always count on, someone who will be there for me whenever, wherever. Someone I can gossip with, someone who wouldn’t judge me no matter what, someone who is up for anything- especially last-minute spontaneous adventures. I know as we get older, things become more complicated, free time in a day runs out, stress builds up… our lives become more focused on other things like work, money, school, finding love, having kids. This is another reason why it might be harder to stay true best friends with someone. Some people can actually make this work, but it didn’t and doesn’t seem to work with me. I’m always working, going to school, barely finding time to breathe, and the people I know and meet are usually going through similar situations. Things become too complicated. People are too tired juggling their lives to even try. In high school, where you see each other from 8-3, five times a week, after school, and sometimes weekend since, hey, we all didn’t have jobs so we had all the time in the world, it was easier to maintain a “BFF” friendship.
I know I have my boyfriend, and I love that I can be and do all of that around him… but it’s not the same. Your relationship with your significant other (even if you call him your best friend like I do and like many other people do) and your relationship with your true best friend are not the same. When I listen to some of female acquaintances and close girlfriends talk about their best friends, I feel sad and a little bit envious at the same time.
I wish I had a best friend I can talk about.
